God is One

It’s seems the word around town is that I need to write more. My guess is that some of you may be interested as to where I am at. As many of you know I change the design of the website more than I blog. To be honest, there is just not much to write. While that is not completely true, but I find the more I ramble the further down the downward spiral I descend to the point of paralysis, and not knowing what to do. So I find my self at the basics.

Do I believe in a God or not?

I answer yes. Many may want to ask why? And my response is not to try to intellectualize this, but follow my gut and my heart.

So many of you may begin to wonder if I am still Orthodox, or if I truly was?

The answer is I wanted to be, I wanted to believe that Orthodoxy was the root of Christianity, and that I would finally be at peace worshipping the One True God. My conflict with intercessions (with the deceased), icons, hierarchy, multiple facets of God that do not know the will of the other continued to rise. I prayed for a comforted heart if all that I was being taught was true. It never came, matter of fact it was one Sunday as I stood before the Icon of the Archangel Michael (my Orthodox patron saint) that I realized that I was not comfortable with this at all, so uncomfortable that I just stood there in silence no longer able to participate or agree with the church teachings that I was expected to participate in each Sunday, and in my daily prayers.

Part of me felt guilty, for many reasons. One, that it hasn’t even been a year since I was accepted into the faith. Two, I realized that I was affecting the commitment of another, my roomie, as I was his ride each Sunday, which would affect his ability to make it to church each Sunday. May God bless him for his commitment, fortitude, and overcoming these struggles. And Three, that I still have not developed a firm faith with my Creator.

I live in complete fear of God, fear that I do not know Him, and that I never really will. So I find myself sticking with the basics.

1) I believe that there may be a God
2) That if God exists, God is not personal in a human sense. Meaning that as a deity, does not carry a two way dialogue that is fully understood, and is more based on emotion and blind faith than actual interaction, which is more likely based on our own perception to what we wish to be true (Faith), whether it is real or not.
3) That God may or may not “actually’ exist.

I quote Thomas Merton, “If you find God with great ease, perhaps it is not God that you have found”

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